The 69 position: what it means and how to do it well

What 69 means

In sex, 69 (also written sixty-nine, or called the 69er) means mutual oral sex in one position. One partner lies on their back, the other lies on top facing the opposite way, and each uses their mouth on the other at the same time. Any two adults can do it, whatever their bodies.

Its appeal is simple: nobody is waiting for a turn. Its difficulty is simple too: it asks you to concentrate on giving while you are receiving. Most people find it works best as one part of a longer evening rather than the whole thing.

How to set it up

Start side by side and talk first: who goes on top, what each of you likes, what a slow-down signal is. The partner on top usually sets the pace, because they control how much weight they put down.

Comfort matters more than form. Put a pillow under the head of the partner below so their neck is not craned. If one of you is much taller, the taller partner can go below and bend their knees, or you can switch to the sideways version. The partner on top can rest on knees and forearms rather than lowering their full weight, and should check in now and then, because the person below cannot easily say much.

Making it feel good for both

Take turns inside the position. It is fine for one partner to focus while the other mostly enjoys, then swap; trying to do everything at full intensity at once usually means neither of you does it well.

Use your hands as well as your mouth. Agree on simple signals, a squeeze on the thigh for more, a tap to pause. Keep water and a towel nearby, and keep it relaxed: losing the rhythm is normal and laughing about it is part of the fun.

Five variations

Classic 69: one partner on their back, the other on top, head to toe. The starting point for everyone.

Sideways 69: both lie on their sides, head to toe, each using the other's thigh as a pillow. The most relaxed version, good for longer sessions and for partners of different heights.

Reverse 69: the same shape with the roles swapped, so the partner who was below is now on top. Small change, different angle, different pace.

Standing 69: one partner stands and holds the other upside down. Spectacular, short, and only for strong, steady partners on a soft surface.

The 69 from your point of view: not a position but a way of telling the scene, the way it looks from your own eyes. It is how most of the chats on this site are written.

How to bring it up

Say it plainly and give the other person room to answer: would you want to try a 69 tonight? Agree on what happens if one of you wants to stop. Afterwards, say what you liked. It is the most mutual position there is, so the conversation around it should be mutual too.

That is also how the women on X69 talk about it. They suggest it or answer your suggestion, they keep the balance fair, and either of you can say not now.